The Third Person
by Seanait
Summary: Jack's speaking funny and it's upsetting Daniel...
1. Beginning

The Third Person

Season: Any

Spoilers: None

Genre: Humor

Rating: G/K

Another mini-story for your amusement and I might continue mini-story _Trapped_, asked for by popular demand. Enjoy!

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"Dum dee dum de dum…"

"Jack!"

"Mmm?"

"What's up?"

"Not much, you?"

"Actually… not much."

"So…"

"Yeah."

"Sounds good Danny!"

"Right." Daniel ran off as Jack continued to stroll down the corridors of the SGC idly humming a nonsense tune. His legs brought him to a most delectable place. Major Carter's lab.

"Hiya Carter!"

"Hi sir, how are you?"

"Jack is fine, you?"

"I'm good, sir, what can I—?" She stopped and looked at him. "What did you say?"

"Jack said nothing."

"Sir?"

"Yes?"

"Umm… nothing." She knew something was up, but what?

"Okay."

"Anyway… so how was your weekend?"

"Jack's weekend was fine, yours?" Sam put down her stuff and stared at him. The longer she stared at him, the more it made her realize what a good poker face he had. And this was her colonel she was talking about… well, never mind…

"Did you just say 'Jack's weekend was fine'?" He shrugged.

"Maybe."

"You **are** speaking in third person aren't you!"

"Yep."

"Can Sam join you?"

"Yep."

"Jack and Sam have a briefing at 900 hours."

"Sam knows."

"Good, Jack wants to torture Daniel."

"Sound like a plan to Sam sir."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Hi Jack, hi Sam," Daniel greeted them as they all sat around the table. They were patiently waiting for Hammond and Teal'c had yet to say a word.

"Hi Teal'c," Sam said happily.

"Good morning Major Carter."

"Hiya T."

"Good morning O'Neill." Then Hammond came strolling out.

"Sorry people, some presidents don't know how to get off the phone." Daniel, Sam, and Jack chuckled appreciatively. "So major, if you'd like to start the briefing?"

"Yes sir." She stood up and handed out some folders. "Sam thinks that this planet is surrounded by an EM field that effectively breaks down the wormhole. Sam's guess is that if we boost the power by say 5 percent, we could make it to the planet unharmed." Daniel stared at Sam trying to make out what he just heard.

"Sam, could you say what you think again?"

"Yeah sure, no problem Daniel. Sam said that she thinks that the strong EM field surrounding this planet could break apart our wormhole."

"Thanks, that's enough."

"Okay." Hammond seemed blissfully unaware of what was occurring, but Teal'c, who was aware of everything, had his eyebrow raised high.

"Colonel, are you willing to take this risk?"

"Jack's willing to request permission to take this trip." Hammond looked at him queerly.

"Ok colonel. Dismissed." Hammond got up and walked away, leaving SG-1 in the room alone.

"Jack thinks this will be fun."

"Sam thinks so too."

"You guys?"

"Yeah?"

"Stopping speaking in the third person."

"Jack and Sam aren't speaking in third person."

"Yes you are."

"No, Sam and Jack have fun speaking in the third person. Maybe Daniel will try it?"

"Teal'c! Help me on this one!"

"Teal'c will not have any say in the matter." Daniel let go a particularly loud noise of annoyance and stormed out of the room in a flurry of papers. He left Jack, Sam, and even Teal'c smiling.

"Teal'c believes O'Neill has greatly annoyed Daniel Jackson." Jack and Sam had a crazy wide-mouthed grin on their faces.

"Jack agrees."


	2. NOOOO!

OY! This was supposed to be a mini-story (one chapter only) but you guys forced me into another chapter... there will be only three! Be warned... you have asked for it! Enjoy...!

* * *

"Daniel?"

"What?"

"Is it safe to come in?"

He chuckled, "Only for people that don't speak in the third person." Jack smiled and walked in.

"Okay." Daniel glared at him curiously.

"Do you want to sit down?" Jack shrugged.

"Sure, whatever."

"So…?"

"Yeah…"

"Hi Danny," he greeted nicely.

"Hi Jack, what do you want Jack?" Daniel was wondering. Jack smiled and shrugeed again.

"A friend can't come in for a visit? That hurts Danny! That hurts…" Jack got up to leave and Daniel grinned. It was apparent Jack had given up on the third person thing.

"Jack, get your ass back here." O'Neill looked over his shoulder and pouted.

"No…" he joked and walked out. Daniel stared at him, bit his lip and returned to work.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Hey Carter, hey Teal'c."

"Hi sir."

"Good afternoon O'Neill."

"So, what's for lunch in the might commissary?"

"Umm…" Sam looked at Teal'c's plate. "Fruit, bread, brownies, cheese, the usual." Jack, too, eyed Teal'c's overflowing plate.

"Hmm… decisions, decisions, decisions." He walked up to the "bar" thing and ordered some food. He came back with a hoagie.

"Mmmm… hoagie."

Sam smirked as a Teal'c grin lit the named face. They watched him happily munch on it.

"He must be hungry," Carter amazed after O'Neill had finished his large meal.

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed with the eyebrow.

"BURP!"

"Sir!" Sam squealed indignantly or in awe, one couldn't tell.

"Was getting to it major! Excuuuuuse that, jeez…" Then Daniel walked in, the three shared an evil look.

"Hi Daniel!"

"Hello Daniel Jackson." Daniel looked at his Jaffa friend.

"You know Teal'c, I wish you'd stop calling me that…"

"One knows."

"You do?"

"Yes, Daniel Jackson." Daniel scowled, he swore Teal'c did that on purpose. He went to get himself something to munch on as well.

"So everyone, whatcha up too?"

"Well, SG-1 has a stand down for now."

"No kidding Carter."

"Sorry, sir, just stating the obvious."

"Repeat: no kidding Carter." Daniel smiled as he approached them. "So whatcha up too?"

"I'm working on some translations found on P75-660."

"Oh…" Jack didn't look at all interested, if anything, more like disgusted. Daniel rolled his eyes as he saw that face.

"What are you doing this weekend Jack?"

"Jack's fishing."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah." The other three smiled at each other.

:What about you Sam?"

"Sam's working on a naquada generator that I've been meaning to get a start on for weeks."

"Carter, do something interesting, for crying out loud!"

"Carter does, sir."

"Suuuure."

"Teal'c," Daniel took up the subject again, "what are you doing?"

"Teal'c is staying on base this weekend Daniel Jackson."

"Ah!" Wait… "You… uh, Jack…"

"Yes?"

"Nothing. Wanna come to O'Malleys tonight you guys?"

"Jack would love it!"

"So would Sam."

"And Teal'c." The man finally got it. He started at them like a fish with his mouth wide open.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


	3. The Breaking Point

this is the last chapter of this story... hope you like it!

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The man had gone to drastic measures and he knew it. Worst of all, his team knew it. The man in question sat in his office, idly passing time by going over translations from some planet… out there. 

"Daniel-"

"DON'T even say a word. Get over here," Daniel ordered. Jack followed blindly to a lie detector. The Black Ops colonel smiled wryly, he did know how to trick these things… especially if they were cheap enough. What were the chances that Daniel would know a good one from a bad one anyway?

"Sit."

"Yes sir, Dr. Archaeologist sir." He sat in the seat provided as Daniel started. "Do you promise not to speak in third person around me ever again?"

Jack shrugged. "Sure." The needle moved.

"Do you swear that you won't get Sam or Teal'c involved in this either?"

"Yep." The needle moved again.

"Okay Jack, get up. Um, results please doctor?"

The doctor smiled slyly. "You old dog you, you lied on all of them sir! You thought you could fool this machine… no can do." The doc pet the machine lovingly. Well… that was weird. Anyway, how had he failed? Jack snatched the paper from Daniel's hands and looked at it.

He was right; Jack had failed the test completely. Daniel looked up and whined.

"Jaaa-ack!" By then, the man in question was out the door.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Carter, don't get near Daniel's office."

"Why not sir?"

"He's got a incredible lie detector in there."

"A what!" she exclaimed startled. What was Daniel doing with a lie detector in his office?

"Yeah… he's checking all of us."

"Did he get you?"

Jack nodded vigorously. "Oh yeah. That means you too Teal'c. You stay away from Daniel."

Once again, the Tau'ri had him confused. "If he is not happy, should we not go and make things more pleasurable?" The tilted eyebrow came with that one all right.

"No…" Sam trailed off realizing the double meaning in Teal'c's words. She coughed to clear her throat. "Um Teal'c, you might want to rephrase your sentence." The Jaffa looked confused and shifted a bit. "Uh… we would say, make things better…. Not more pleasurable. That means something else entirely."

"I believe I understand Major Carter. Thank you." He bowed his head a bit.

"No problem. Now, back to Daniel."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Three knocks came at the door at the same time. Not Jack again. He went to open his lab door and almost had three people knocking on his face.

"You guys came all at the same time so you couldn't be tested right?" he asked wearily.

"Nah, just to see you, is that a problem?"

"Not at all, unless you speak in the third person."

"Sounds good."

"Indeed." Daniel smiled at Teal'c. That deep voice seemed to make him a bit happier than everyone else.

"Now," Daniel rubbed his hands together, "don't we have a debriefing of some sort in a couple minutes?"

Jack and Sam checked their watches and to their surprise, he was right. So the team headed off down the hallways of the SGC to the Debriefing Room.

"Have a seat SG-1, be there in a sec," Hammond ordered as he headed back into his office to finish a conversation with someone. Finally, he popped out to start. "So the planet P75-686, what do we have major?"

Sam talked for a while before actually explaining, in Jack-simple terms, why exactly they were going there.

"WHAT! That's crazy if I understand you right!" Jack protested.

"No sir, it's not really. See if-"

"Major, Hammond thinks Jack's right. It's a bit to dangerous to go in without gearing up properly." Daniel started at the general in disbelief.

"Hammond thinks that we should send a probe through first to-"

"Gods, NO! Not you too sir!" Daniel ran out, hands in hair. The military minds and Jaffa smiled profusely at each other. What fun!


End file.
